Ep. 15 - MATH151: Differential Equations
The mission to build confidence in Pandora's new friend begins-- and it also meets a very sudden roadblock.
[[Theme music "Medusa" plays]]
Hades: Pandora, when I asked you for your help this wasn't what I had in mind.
Pandora: What, you didn't think the radio club president was going to put you on the radio?
Hades: I just don't see how this will help.
Pandora: Hades, talking to the radio is talking to people. You just don't have to see them. It's why I do it! The microphone is a buffer between us in here and them out there.
Hades: I guess…
Pandora: You said I talked my way into MOU, right? Well, if that's true, then this is the room where it happened. Seems to me it's not the worst idea in the world to have you start here, too.
Hades: ...I would like to see the official science on this.
Pandora: Hey, if you wanted a professional, you could have found a professional. I'm working with what I have.
Hades: [sighs] Right. You're right.
Pandora: Plus, you can think of it as PR. The main reason people have made up all this stuff about you is because they don't know anything about you for sure. So this way you can, you know, show ‘em the real Hades!
Hades: That's not the Hades people care about here.
Pandora: Then we’ll make 'em care! Come on, we can at least try it. If it's a complete no-go, we’ll try something else.
Hades: I guess.
Pandora: Hey, don't worry. You aren't in this alone anymore, you know. You have me.
Hades: ...thank you, Pandora.
Pandora: I mean, I can't guarantee how comforting that is, but there it is for ya.
Hades: It’s nice, actually. I...haven't had many companions.
Pandora: Yeah, can I ask what's up with that?
Hades: What do you mean?
Pandora: You seem like a grounded, genuinely nice guy. A little quiet, a little mysterious, yet still conscious of other people. That’s a dynamite combination. So what's in the water here that people flock to someone like, say, Zeus, and not you?
Hades: I...really would rather not talk about it. Especially when it comes to Zeus.
Pandora: Oh. Because you two are, like…?
Hades: We’re what?
Pandora: Nothing! Never mind. Let’s radio!
Pandora: Don’t be nervous! Deep breaths, ok? Ready? [[SFX: Turns microphone on]] Good afternoon, Mount Olympus University! I hope you’re doing well on this gross, rainy day. I’m cleverly staying indoors, and I brought someone into the room to keep me company. I’d like to introduce today’s special guest: Hades!
Pandora: If you haven’t met Hades, he’s a sophomore here, and he is studying...what’s your major?
Hades: Um, my focus is...my primary power.
Pandora: Ok. Vague.
Hades: I guess, maybe. What are you studying?
Pandora: Undeclared major. Woooo.
Pandora: But we aren’t here to talk about me, we are here to talk about you!
Hades: I’d rather we didn’t.
Hades: Sorry, that was reflexive. What...would you like to know?
Pandora: I thought we could start out with some rapid-fire questioning. Just some really basic, fluffy stuff so our listeners can get to know you. That sound good?
Hades: Ah-- alright.
Pandora: Awesome! Let’s start with: favorite class?
Hades: Um, Study of the Human Soul. [pause] Is that it? I thought you said these would be rapid fire.
Pandora: Oh, yeah, you just managed to throw me for a loop right out the gate. Did not realize that is a class.
Hades: You...probably won’t be taking it.
Pandora: Aw, bummer. It sounds cool! Ok, favorite song?
Hades: Clair de Lune
Pandora: Oooh, a classics man.
Hades: I suppose.
Pandora: That fits. Makes a lot of sense with your whole vibe. Favorite food?
Pandora: Biggest pet peeve?
Hades: People going through my things.
Pandora: Oooh, the worst. Family? Siblings?
Hades: Um...well, I have a dog, and--
Pandora: You have a dog??
Pandora: Why didn’t you tell me you had a dog!
Hades: I just did.
Pandora: No, I mean, it’s a dog! You should, like, open with that. “Hi, my name is Hades and I have a dog.”
Hades: I didn’t know you liked them.
Pandora: What’s its name?
Hades: Cerberus. [laughs] He’s a boy.
Pandora: Aww! What kind of dog is he?
Hades: Ooh, uh, big?
Pandora: Pictures. Now. Let me see.
Hades: That will not be fun for your listeners.
Pandora: I don’t care! Uch, no, ok, I guess I do care. Later, though.
Hades: You could meet him.
Pandora: Yes. Good. Wait, does he live on campus? Is that allowed?
Hades: Occasionally, Mount Olympus University will allow it in special cases. Cerberus is here because he helps me out.
Pandora: He sounds like a very good boy.
Hades: He is.
Pandora: [laughs] Ok, ok, I’m getting off track with my questions. We’ll circle back on Cerberus, because I want to know everything about him. But, uh, let’s see-- [[SFX: door opens]] Oh! Aphrodite, hi! We are in the middle of a show-- do you want to jump in and help me give Hades the third degree? [no reply] Dite? What's up?
Hades: I’m...going to step out a moment.
Pandora: Huh? Why? We’re just in the middle-- Hades! [[SFX:Door closes]] Um, sorry, everyone, our subject just needed to take a moment. We’ll be right back after a short break! [[SFX: turns microphone off]] What in the world was that about?
Aphrodite: Pandora, what are you doing?
Pandora: Uhh, well, crazy thing, I actually run a radio program, so, once in awhile--
Aphrodite: Why are you hanging out with Hades?
Pandora: He’s...my guest. Listen, I know people are kind of hard on him, but I think he’s really a nice guy! He’s just a little socially awkward, and, you know, can’t throw bricks in this glass house.
Aphrodite: This is a bad idea, Pandora. You should put some distance between you and Hades.
Pandora: ...What? What are you talking about?
Aphrodite: I just think that’s what’s best for you.
Pandora: Aphrodite, what is this? This isn’t like you at all. What is wrong with Hades?
Aphrodite: ...Do you remember what I said when I first told you what my power is?
Pandora: What does that have to do with…? [sighs] Yeah, you said you had love magic.
Aphrodite: No, I said 'I am the Patron of Love and Lust.' Do you know what Hades is the patron of?
Pandora: Skinny black ties?
Aphrodite: Death, Pandora. Hades is a patron of death.
Pandora: ...What does that mean?
Aphrodite: Do you really want to find out?
Pandora: Is that why everyone avoids him?
Aphrodite: Of course!
Pandora: What, so because he represents something scary, he has to be ostracized? That’s not fair.
Aphrodite: Pandora, he IS death!
Pandora: No, he’s a person!
Aphrodite: I know I can’t force you to do anything, but you deserve to know. And to think about the fact that he didn’t tell you this himself. [sighs] It’s just my advice. I’ll see you back at the room, ok?
[[SFX: Door opens]]
Hades: [reentering] I’m just here to get my things, and then I’ll be out of the way.
Hades: I’m not stupid, I know why she was here, looking at me like that. If you don’t want to associate with me anymore, then--
Pandora: No, Hades, stop moving! Calm down!
Hades: ...I’m the patron of death.
Pandora: Yeah, what does that mean exactly? I’m assuming you don’t go around killing people.
Hades: No, it’s-- it’s complicated to explain even to others accustomed to the powers that come with patronage. I don’t know how to express it to you.
Pandora: Are you like a guy with a scythe catching souls?
Hades: Sometimes. That’s a small part of it. Without the scythe.
Pandora: That’s why you made the light flicker the other day! You almost killed the lights! Oh, I get it...
Hades: Why don’t you seem afraid?
Pandora: I dunno. Are you here to take my soul?
Pandora: Then I’m probably good.
Hades: I don’t understand how it doesn’t alarm you. Especially considering that you are...you know...
Pandora: I was surprised at first, don’t get me wrong, but...I don’t know. Everything dies, eventually. It doesn’t freak me out much anymore. I guess a lot of people think dying is the end, but, when I’m gone, the world is gonna keep going without me. So...it’s ok. I'm ok just being a blip in the grand scheme of the universe.
Hades: You aren't scared of death?
Pandora: I mean, I'm not like rarin’ to go or anything. But no, I guess I'm not scared, either. I don't know why. Anyway, if I were going to go, I think I’d like knowing some dork wearing a suit that owns a dog is going to come get my soul, you know?
Hades: [quietly laughs] I’ve never heard it put quite like that.
Pandora: ...So can you, like, communicate with people who died?
Hades: That doesn’t have an easy answer. Why?
Pandora: Ehh, no reason. Anyway, don’t worry about not telling me and all that. I get why you wouldn’t want to broadcast that sort of thing. If you’re good, then...I’d say we’re good.
Hades: ...then we’re good.
Pandora: Good! So I know things got off track for a minute, but do you want to finish our interview? I know that I personally would like to.
Hades: Yeah. Alright.
Pandora: Sweet! Sit your butt down and let’s finish this!
Hades: [laughs] ...Thank you for not giving up on me.
[["Medusa" fades in]]
Pandora: It’s just payback in kind. And hey, if the human and the death god can’t stick together, who can? [both laugh] You ready?
Hades: I’m ready.
Pandora: Let’s show ‘em what Real Hades is made of!
[[SFX: Turns microphone on]]
[[Theme song "Medusa" plays]]
Raeanna Nicole Larson: Mount Olympus University is an original story conceived and written by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Sound editing done by the intrepid Luuk Van Hoomissen. Our icon was designed by the incomparable Jess Reed. Music by the industrious Teddy McKrell, whose works can be heard on soundcloud under teddymackerel.
The role of Pandora is played by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Hades is played by Mark Lamont. Aphrodite is played by Sydney Rose Hover.
You can send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, or find us on Twitter @MtOlympusU. You can also check out our website for extras, including transcripts of every episode, at mountolympusuniversity.com.
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[["Medusa" fades out]]