[[Theme music "Medusa" plays]]

 

Pandora: Good afternoon, Mount Olympus University! Welcome to the show. This show. Hosted by me. Pandora. Wordsworth. Pandora Wordsworth which is my name.

 

I should probably admit now that I’m already feeling a little off balance. I spent my first twenty minutes in here just waiting for someone to burst in. No one did, cause “watched pots” and yadda yadda yadda, but now I'm thinking I may actually be piloting this show solo today! Wow! That is...exciting! And not at all terrifying! Because this is what I wanted! And it’s not like I’ve started to actively plan for interruptions or anything.

 

[clears throat]

 

So, our biggest announcement today is about sports. It’s a thing I know a decent amount about in theory, but less so in practice, which should surprise none of you who have seen me walking around campus. This upcoming weekend, the Mount Olympus University Titans will be taking on our long standing rivals, the Grimm-Andersen College Big Bad Wolves in...something. You know, out of all the details I got, I couldn't actually figure out what sport we were playing? Zeus keeps bragging about how he is the star of the MOU Titans, but I have absolutely no clue what he plays. I've never really noticed a football field around here or anything, which is the big deal for most schools. And I grabbed an ad read, but it says that the game will be held “either indoors or outdoors” at “a time.” I mean...guys. I can’t be the only one here.

 

If I come across any more details, I’ll be sure to share them. Either way, I probably won't be there, because Zeus said he would be looking for me and I live to disappoint.

 

Oh, that reminds me: I have had some people get very call-out-y at me for the way I talk about Zeus just because there's some weird food chain here that he has apparently elbowed his way to the top of. But I definitely do not apologize. He is selfish, and crude, and I don't like being around him. You can quote me on that. In fact, please do, because apparently the only thing thicker than the barrier of sarcasm and snide comments I have carefully constructed is his skull. When you ignore the clear communication that someone does not want you anywhere around them or, for that matter, asking them out twenty times a day, you forfeit your right to not be talked about on the radio.

 

Also, I promise he doesn't know this exists, so anyone who is scandalized to hear me talking about the star of MOU like that can chill. I'm pretty sure my show hasn't infiltrated the collective school consciousness yet, which is fine. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to know if this was suddenly the hottest show this side of campus. The idea of talking to everyone is a little intimidating.

 

...you all are a pretty tough bunch, you know that? I mean, I’m something of an outsider here, so...I guess I have a weird perspective. But the idea of this school tuning in to hear me talk is wild because a lot of you are a little intimidating. And you all really keep your distance from each other. MOU’s slogan definitely doesn’t include “unity,” huh?

 

So if I'm the designated “outsider” of a school full of people who exist outside of something else, I guess it gives me room to say it's a little bit...sad? Because it’s not just like cliques. It’s like people here are legitimately shocked when someone outside of their group does something that shows they exist. Aphrodite sneezed near some of those spooky archangels and they looked legitimately surprised to see her. Dite isn’t someone you miss easily, either. And I know, I know it doesn’t matter but also...it does! Or...it feels like it does. Maybe it doesn’t.  Maybe I've spent too long invested in college.

 

[Laughs] Ok, so, I used to read college brochures like books when I was a kid. I would send in for those huge recruiting booklets from the time I was eleven (lie about my age, of course) and imagine what it would be like if I went there. So, you know, show me a photo of a diverse group of students laughing as they study in the quad and I am totally suckered in. But, uh, real college isn't a lot like that, though. Which is fine. It's different and that doesn't scare me. Well, it does, but in like...a cool way. You know? Like with the movie, the guy who's afraid of snakes, and--

 

[[SFX: Ringtone]]

 

P: Oh, shoot-- [[SFX: searching through bag]] Pandora Wordsworth, forgetting to turn off her phone in her own show, everyone! Nothing but professionals here...on the...

 

[pause. Ringtone stops.]

 

P: [clears throat] ...sorry about that. Um, as I was saying...ah, I was...saying...what was I saying?

 

[[SFX: Ringtone]]

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P: Um...I'm...um...Sorry, we're having some technical difficulties. I'll be right back.

 

[[SFX: Mic clicking off]]

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[Answers phone]

 

Hey, um, can I call you back? I'm sort of-- No, I-I’m in the middle-- Mom, can you listen to me for just like a second? [breathes out] Yeah. Yeah, mom, I saw the pictures. [pause] Why would you care what I think now? [pause] The pictures were fine, mom. Looks like you and dad had a great...expensive vacation. Yup. Yeah, I-I saw a lot of people liked them. [pause] No, you definitely don't look like you have a daughter in college. No one would even know you had a kid at all, I bet.

 

Did your- did your phones not work? While you were there?  Oh. I just thought I would have heard from you guys...in my first weeks of school-- ...with who? Oh. Your yacht club friends. Wow.

 

Yeah, I've been busy here, too. Really busy. I started a-- what? What? ...No, mom, I'm trying to tell you something. I have a radio-- mom, seriously. No! No, you can wait two seconds while I tell you about my life! 

 

I'm not. I'm not being childish. I'm not. I'm trying to tell...I'm trying… [silence] Yeah. No, I...I get it. You have to go. It's what's important to you. [pause] ...sure. I'll comment on the photo. Yeah. Uh-huh. Bye.

 

[[SFX: Hanging up]]

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[There is silence. Pandora sniffles, inhales deeply, murmurs "ok....ok"]

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[[SFX: Mic clicking on]]

 

Sorry about that, listeners. It's, um...it's fixed now.

 

[fake laughs] You know, uh...we may as well call it here. I don't remember what I was talking about anyway, but, um…

 

Yeah.

 

[pause]

 

Before I go, I'll just say that-- you all can go ahead and be tough. I am tough, too. I always have been. There are a lot of things in life we build up and dream about before they arrive only to be disappointed. Everything I thought about college has so far turned out to be this elaborate...myth, so...I guess I can get tougher to keep up. But I gotta say that I wish just once I didn't have to.

 

...Sorry, that...ignore that. That was nothing. I shouldn't have said anything. Whew. I sure do get the tensions worked up by myself, huh? I don't even need a co-host here I can just debate and challenge myself!

 

Oh, boy, looks like there are more technical problems on the way so let's avoid that and get it fixed for next time! This is Pandora Wordsworth signing off! Bye!

 

[[SFX: Microphone clicking off]]

 

[Pandora is clearly still there. She inhales, exhales, and then whispers "ok" to herself.]

​

[[SFX: Door opening and closing]]

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[[Theme song "Medusa" plays]]

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Raeanna Nicole Larson: Mount Olympus University is an original story conceived and written by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Sound editing done by the intrepid Luuk Van Hoomissen. Our icon was designed by the incomparable Jess Reed. Music by the industrious Teddy McKrell, whose works can be heard on soundcloud under teddymackerel.

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The role of Pandora is played by Raeanna Nicole Larson. 

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You can send us an email at mtolympusuniversity@gmail.com, or find us on Twitter @MtOlympusU. Please consider subscribing, rating, and leaving a comment to help more students find us. 

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[["Medusa" fades out]]