Ep. 9 - EDUC101: Guide to Academic Achievement
Pandora decides to interview someone on purpose this week, bringing in another freshman named Isolde.
[[Theme music "Medusa" plays]]
Pandora: Good morning, Mount Olympus University! Welcome back to my show that...does not have a name yet. [off mic] Do I need a name? [back on mic] Anyway, so, after our...technical difficulties last week, I thought it was time to change up the format. Just because ‘technical difficulties’ seem to come up less often with guests. Which is crazy, right?
So, today, we are doing something completely new -- interviews! And by new I mean new to me. Because I’m not over here claiming to invent the radio interview. I don’t know that anyone can claim that, actually. Even if you were the first person to interview someone else on the radio, you didn’t invent the idea of asking questions--
Isolde: Do you need me here?
Pandora: Do I-- th-- huh?
Isolde: I mean, I feel like you don't really need another person here. It seems like you have both sides of the conversation pretty covered.
Pandora: Oh, haaaaa, yeah, I...do that. All Right, well, you just heard her voice so I guess I should introduce her. Here in the room we have Isolde, one of my fellow freshmen. Profesor le Fay suggested I interview her.
Isolde: She did?
Pandora: Yeah, she-- did I not mention this?
Isolde: You really didn’t explain anything. You just stopped me in the hall and said ‘want to be on the radio?’
Pandora: Really? I didn’t elaborate at all? I could have sworn I filled you in.
Pandora: Why did you even say yes? I wouldn’t have said yes.
Isolde: Because I hadn’t listened to the show and I was curious whether or not it was a train wreck. I mean, the person running it asked me to an interview, gave absolutely no details, stood there awkwardly, and ran away. So I had to see for myself.
Pandora: ...Ok...pretending that isn’t offensive...I know it was a weird start, so you can hold your verdict until--
Isolde: It’s a little bit of a train wreck. But in a funny enough way that it’s endearing.
Pandora: Wow. Ok. Not one to mince words, are you?
Isolde: No. Though I still want to know why Professor le Fay thought you should get me in here.
Pandora: Yeah, that. She said you were a person of interest. Cause, um...I don’t remember how she put it. Wait a second, she wrote it down.
[[SFX: Shuffling through papers]]
Isolde: Ok, why?
Pandora: [reading] Isolde is an excellent source to discuss early academic achievement at MOU. In the weeks since the beginning of the school year, Isolde-- you-- has quickly made a name for herself with the highest grades in the freshmen class. Hmm.
Pandora: The four-point-oh GPA student of high school past that lives within me just woke up and hates that.
Isolde: [laughs] Ohhh, I see. Well, then do something about it.
Isolde: If you don’t like it, beat me. It’s that simple.
Pandora: Um, yeah, don’t worry, I’ll get there. It’s a marathon, so we’ll check in at the finish line, Madam Sprinter.
Isolde: Good. Anyway, Professor le Fay shouldn’t have recommended me. I can’t tell anyone anything about academic success.
Pandora: Mmm, ok, head of class.
Isolde: I can’t! The professors probably want to hear that it’s about notes or working hard or something, but I don’t work hard. I’m just smart, so I made an early break in scores. All there is to it.
Isolde: See, in my life, things are handed to me. My brain is just one of those things. I remember details and facts without trying, I don’t study, and I’m still making head of class. It sucks, right?
Pandora: I’m...very confused by the tenor of this conversation…
Isolde: That’s because you’re a hard working person who has probably worked to get where they are in life. So your brain can’t handle that other people aren’t like that. Don’t worry, this will all come back to haunt me. You’re right, it’s a marathon, and my kind of people don’t finish first.
Pandora: You don’t think you’re smart?
Isolde: I think I’m extremely intelligent. But I’m not a worker, Pandora. I wasn’t trying to be top of the class and look where we are! Through no merits of my own! So that’s my secret to MOU academic success. Get smart and get used to people handing you things. And that’s a wrap!
Pandora: Are you making fun of me?
Isolde: I’m actually not this time. Because I’m starting to like you, in spite of the whole weird person vibe you got going on.
Pandora: Ok, this has been an insanely insulting discussion--
Isolde: I’m a straight talker. Like you said, I don’t mince words. Not even on my own behalf.
Pandora: Hmm...ok, uh, give me a second to sort of...adjust to the whiplash of this interview real quick…
Isolde: I think it’s a bit generous to call it an interview.
Pandora: [inhales] Alright. I think I’m there.
Pandora: Thank you for your patience.
Isolde: I do what I can.
Pandora: So how much of what you told me is complete and utter garbage?
Isolde: Excuse me?
Pandora: Come on! People around here need to start giving me a little credit. I didn’t rely on Professor le Fay for everything. You’re like...a chemistry genius.
Isolde: It’s potions
Pandora: It’s what now?
Isolde: Potions are my specialty.
Pandora: There are potion classes here?
Isolde: What high school did you go to?
Pandora: A weird one. Where we called it chemistry. And it’s not something you get good at without just putting forth a tiny bit of effort, no matter how clever you are. So, that being said, I’m willing to bet that you work harder than you originally claimed.
Isolde: And why would I lie?
Pandora: I don’t know! We’re products of our time-- trying isn’t cool! Or you cultivated this cool girl ambiance and I’m sure you hoped that some, I quote, ‘weird girl’ wouldn’t come ruin it. Or you believe it, I don’t know, but the point is I am not so easily tricked. So: what parts are true, and what is just bull that you tell everyone?
Isolde: Why would I confess to something like that now? If anything that you were saying was true?
Pandora: Because you’re a professed straight talker, and I just called you out.
Isolde: ...Augh, this sucks. I think I actually like you.
Pandora: Do you now?
Isolde: And I want to be your friend? This is so annoying.
Pandora: Yeah, I get that response more often than you think.
Isolde: I don’t like most people.
Pandora: It’s why we’re getting along now, obviously.
Isolde: [laughs] ...Alright, so, the part where things are handed to me? That’s true. My family is rich. The kind of rich where people hang around explicitly to give you whatever you may want at a moment’s notice. Sometimes it’s literally being handed things.
Isolde: Yeah, it’s terrible, you don’t have to tell me. Anyway, it’s true. And that I’m intelligent, don’t study, and generally am a pretty terrible student with pretty incredible grades: all the truth. But maybe what I was saying about never working hard at anything is a little less true. Because I do put effort into potions and I’m very good at them. Extremely good.
Pandora: That’s great! Listen to you. You’re like a person now.
Isolde: I hate it.
Pandora: Even better.
Isolde: What now? Do we really get into it? Talk about my relationship with my mother or something?
Pandora: Nope. No, I-- nope. Don’t wanna and won’t.
Isolde: Thank god.
Pandora: Anyway, we have like a story now with the whole ‘best grades’ angle. So maybe you can come back and we can check in on how the head-of-class race is going.
Isolde: You’re inviting me back?
Pandora: Yeah, I mean-- you’re kind of not terrible, once I’m used to you.
Isolde: Good use of a backhanded compliment.
Pandora: Thanks, I took notes from earlier.
Isolde: Yeah, ok. I’ll be on the show again. Do you get the distinct feeling that Professor le Fay was just arranging a playdate?
Pandora: I cannot even begin to unpack the implications of that.
Isolde: Well, for what it’s worth, I’m going to the cafeteria now for lunch. If you happened to go the same direction, I could probably give you some tips on how you could be ranked first in your class if I wasn’t there.
Pandora: Hilarious. Well, everyone, since our interviewee has decided she needs sustenance, I guess that marks the end of our show. Tune in next time for something I’ll probably figure out two minutes before I start broadcasting. This is Pandora Wordsworth, signing off.
Pandora: [laughing] Bye.
[Isolde laughs as music fades in]
[[Theme song "Medusa" plays]]
Raeanna Nicole Larson: Mount Olympus University is an original story conceived and written by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Sound editing done by the intrepid Luuk Van Hoomissen. Our icon was designed by the incomparable Jess Reed. Music by the industrious Teddy McKrell, whose works can be heard on soundcloud under teddymackerel.
The role of Pandora is played by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Isolde is played by Adriana Emiliana.
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[["Medusa" fades out]]