[[Theme music "Medusa" plays]]

 

Pandora: --and that is why if you see Narcissus by the lake, you call campus security. Also, hot tip, just never walk behind him if you’re trying to get anywhere. You’ll be shocked how many surfaces are reflective. On the topic of the lake, the school faculty has asked everyone to stop throwing swords in it. There’s some legend and apparently this happens every year, but...they request you stop. Cause now we just have a lake full of swords. Which begs the question where people are finding swords--

 

[[SFX: Door opening]]

 

 --I...um...hi?

 

Aphrodite: Don’t mind me! Keep going!

 

Pandora: Um...ok… [[SFX: Unpacking sounds]] So...yeah, I’m not really a discerning sword shopper or anything, so I just don’t get where these are coming from. Seems like...a hard thing to ship-- OK, what is happening?

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Aphrodite: Nooo, don’t stop! I told you to ignore me!

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Pandora: It’s kind of hard to do when you practically brought our whole dorm room here. What is all of this?

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Aphrodite: Ok, well, as long as I have your attention: pink or green?

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Pandora: Of what? For whom?

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Aphrodite: Outfits! Do you want to wear the pink, or the green?

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Pandora: ...Whose clothes are these?

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Aphrodite: Panny, just answer!

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Pandora: I-I don’t know! I look terrible in green!

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Aphrodite: I know. I wanted you to wear the pink.

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Pandora: Then why did you ask….Wait, what am I picking out an outfit for?

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Aphrodite: Well, I knew that you would be here recording for awhile, and that it wouldn’t give us too much time to prepare for the party tonight. So I thought I would just bring everything here to get you ready!

 

[silence]

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Pandora: The...I’m sorry, I think I just hallucinated. I could have sworn you said I was going to a party.

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Aphrodite: You are! Surprise!

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Pandora: ...No.

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Aphrodite: Panny.

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Pandora: No, I’m-- I do not. I don’t. Party!? No.

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Aphrodite: Did I break you?

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Pandora: APHRODITE. PARTY. NO.

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Aphrodite: OK, Panny, I know it was sneaky, but I knew if I told you about it before you would say no! But it will be soooo much fun and I really think you should go! Plus, I’m here to help you get ready! I picked out the clothes and I can do your makeup and it'll be fun!

 

Pandora: Aphrodite--

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Aphrodite: It’s to celebrate the beginning of the semester, and you’ll know more people there than just me! The Juniors are throwing it for the whole school!

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Pandora: The Juniors??

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Aphrodite: Well, you certainly aren’t ready for one of Dionysus’s parties, I can tell you that...

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Pandora: But I hate the Juniors!

 

Aphrodite: Oh, you don’t hate them.

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Pandora: They’re so loud! All the time!

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Aphrodite: Now, that can't be true….There’s Loki! Loki isn’t loud!

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Pandora: That’s because they’re up to something, and that’s worse. I’m not trying to be rude, it’s just the Juniors are terrible. No one likes the Juniors except the Juniors.

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Aphrodite: Well, even if that's true, their parties are still to die for and we are going.

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Pandora: To any listeners out there, I am in the radio room and totally open to all murder attempts--

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Aphrodite: Ok, ok, enough of that. What can I say to convince you?

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Pandora: [imitating her voice] “Pandora, you don’t have to go to the party”

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Aphrodite: Nope. You do. I’m not letting you sit in our room for one more night watching shows on the internet.

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Pandora: “Shows on the internet”? What era are you from?

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Aphrodite: [sighs] Alright, I didn’t want to do this, but...you owe me.

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Pandora: I cannot imagine that’s true.

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Aphrodite: Who made you fill out the forms for this whole radio deal?

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Pandora: ...you.

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Aphrodite: And told you to stick to it even though you were whining and wanted to quit?

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Pandora: …...you.

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Aphrodite: And who was right?

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Pandora: Fine I’ll go to the stupid party.

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Aphrodite: [squealing] Oh my god, thank you, Panny! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Pandora: [as though she is being squeezed impossibly tightly] Ok, enough hugging. [released] Why are you thanking me? I wasn’t going to stop you from going.

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Aphrodite: Because you’re my friend and I want you to be there! Ok, so, since that’s settled, you can keep doing your show while I get you ready.

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Pandora: I think this episode is sort of shot, Dite. Uh, listeners, apparently the Juniors are holding an open party, so if you wanna come… [to Aphrodite] Is this something we could get in trouble for?

 

Aphrodite: Oh, you really aren’t ready for one of Dionysus’s parties.

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Pandora: ...Noted. [Pandora speaks through her cheeks behind squeezed] Aphrodite I can do my own lipstick.  

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Aphrodite: Sorry I’m just so excited!

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Pandora: [laughs] Uh-huh

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Aphrodite: [sing-songy] You’re gonna love it! There are going to be so many cute guys there.

 

Pandora: Ok.

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Aphrodite: And cute girls.

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Pandora: Ok?

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Aphrodite: And in-between and outside that as well?

 

Pandora: What's going on, Dite?

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Aphrodite: Nothing! It’s just...I’m just…casually...you know... [groans] I can't get a read on you, Panny! I get very readable lust waves off of everyone in this school every time I enter a room, but not you! I keep trying to figure you out but it's like this big brick wall! [sighs] I'm supposed to be really good at this, Panpan, and we live together so it should be even easier! I think something is wrong with my powers.

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Pandora: Aphrodite, there’s nothing wrong with you.

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Aphrodite: But there is!

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Pandora: It's not like that. You probably have trouble picking things up on me because I'm Ace.

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[silence]

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Aphrodite: You’re…?

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Pandora: OK, it's more, um, I guess the accurate label is demi or gray-asexual or whatever, but...yeah. I know you say you prefer the love side of your powers, but you definitely pick up on the lust part easier, judging by the very unfiltered things you have told me in the cafeteria. So that's probably why I'm not reading loud and clear.

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Aphrodite: I...didn't know

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Pandora: Yeah, well, I didn't mention it, so no biggie. I’m not trying to hide it, it’s just sort of there, you know? Not written on my forehead or anything. [pause] Don't feel bad that you didn't guess. I mean, it's not really something you in particular would be… [[SFX: sniffling]] Are you crying??

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Aphrodite: [theatrically crying] I just am really happy you told me and I think it's really nice

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Pandora: Oh my god, stop.

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Aphrodite: Because I know you don't like telling people things--

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Pandora: Aphrodite, if you don't stop crying right now then I will literally never tell you anything ever again

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Aphrodite: I'm not crying. It's fine.

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Pandora: You're ridiculous.

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Aphrodite: I’m not emotional at all over this...is a really nice step in our forever friendship.

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Pandora: Do you need a moment?

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Aphrodite: No.

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Pandora: Should I leave you alone?

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Aphrodite: I’m good, I’m fine.

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Pandora: Please take a tissue, you’re getting snot all over my radio room. [Aphrodite laughs] Look! You ruined your own makeup now.

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Aphrodite: Ohhh, I can fix it. [deep breath] Thanks for telling me, Pans.

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Pandora: It’s really not a big deal.

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Aphrodite: It is. You may not know, but...it is. OK, well, all that business threw our schedule way off! We’ll need to hustle if we’re going to get to the party exactly forty-five minutes late.

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Pandora: Um, why are we hurrying to be late?

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Aphrodite: Oh...oh sweetie...you have so much to learn about parties.

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Pandora: Hmph. Well, this guilt-trip is only redeemable for one party, so don’t hold your breath.

 

Aphrodite: [sing-songy] Unless you love it and come back for more!

 

Pandora: [equally sing-songy] Not gonna happen!

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Aphrodite: [laughs] Alright, enough! No time to argue! You need this eyeliner and to put these clothes on stat!

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Pandora: Can I - Can I stop the show first?

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Aphrodite: There’s no time!

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Pandora: [laughing] Dite!

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Aphrodite: Ok, ok, bye everyone! Come to the party tonight!

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Pandora: And if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, I’m probably dead. Please come find my body.

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[[theme music begins to play]]

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Aphrodite: Pandora! Eyeliner!

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Pandora: Agh, fine! Bye, everyone!

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Aphrodite: Bye!

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[[Theme song "Medusa" plays]]

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Raeanna Nicole Larson: Mount Olympus University is an original story conceived and written by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Sound editing done by the intrepid Luuk Van Hoomissen. Our icon was designed by the incomparable Jess Reed. Music by the industrious Teddy McKrell, whose works can be heard on soundcloud under teddymackerel.

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The role of Pandora is played by Raeanna Nicole Larson. Aphrodite is played by Sydney Rose Hover.

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You can send us an email at mtolympusuniversity@gmail.com, or find us on Twitter @MtOlympusU. Please consider subscribing, rating, and leaving a comment to help more students find us. 

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[["Medusa" fades out]]